Accepting Defeat Or Why March is the Toughest Month of the Year

March defeated me. It happens every year. I have lived in New England since fall 1997. When it comes to recovering from my deep social hibernation, twenty-four lived winters make no difference.

It all starts in December. I put on a brave face and cheer myself up, usually buying a colorful coat. January comes around. I accept my dry flaky skin, my watery eyes, and runny nose whenever I go outside. I accept the physical discomfort during all my waking hours. Come February 28th, I feel triumphant — I’ve made it! Spring is around the corner. It will be a breeze from here on out. It isn’t! Instead, it takes another 6 to 8 weeks for my body to assimilate to the warmer weather. I hesitate every time I go outside pondering on the right number of layers to wear. My nose is still runny thanks to the incessant cold, or the rebirth of nature and its allergens.

I know I am not alone in feeling this way. A little patience could serve me well, after all, it happens every year, and it never stays that way. In this case, I am not patient, or mindful, or graceful. I nag about it daily, and by March, it always defeats me, and it has repercussions.

Let me explain. I made a list of goals to start the year: write more, read more, exercise more, and spend less. Simple, right? One of them: publish one short article a month — 12 articles in 2022. We all experience something daily worth sharing, so how hard could it be?

In January, I wrote about enrolling in an EMBA in my forties. In February, celebrating 20 years in the workforce, I shared a bit of advice. Then March came… and went… and nada.

Defeat. This is that time of year, where slowly, but surely my determination and focus dwindles.

I had a topic in mind. Something easy to explore that would, for lack of better words, write itself. Turns out, nothing happens unless you make that first move, take that first step, write that first word. So, I found myself writing at 10 at night on March 31st. Why? Well, my goal is simple: write one article a month.

Yes, March defeated me. I accept defeat. I procrastinated, and missed my self-imposed deadline. So you are reading this in April, and I am leaving perfection behind. I will not ask anyone to peer review, or mull over the photo before I publish it. But I will publish it, despite my procrastination.

Procrastination makes me feel unsuccessful. When I was younger, my parents and teachers advised me:

• be prepared
• be first, arrive early
• start early, pace yourself
• don’t leave things for the last minute

The advice was good then, when my priority and only responsibility was my education.

Today, we live in a world where tasks, chores, and deadlines abound. To navigate it, I followed sage advice from peers, friends, blogs, and podcasts. I zeroed in on my values, and translated them into three priorities: Care for self, take care of family, and forge strong friendships.

Easier to put them in writing than in practice. March is an example of how far from easy it is. I signed myself up for too much:

• Helped a friend with interview prep
• Hosted friends for brunch, invited colleagues for dinner, and reunited with my lifelong friends for a regifting party
• Sat with our financial advisor to talk money
• Traveled to Dallas for family time; hugged my perfect 5 year old nephew repeatedly
• Participated in three speaking engagements, including my first radio show
• Commuted into Boston for a handful of in person meetings
• Made an consulate visit to renew my passport

Looking at the list now, I see how well it ties to my priorities. I should be proud that besides my full time job (and laundry, food, dogs), I got this much done. Instead on March 31st, I only thought of what I didn’t get done. How irrational is that?! I won’t write down my full to-do list. It is 5 times as long and will make this post an anxiety-inducing 20-minute read.

Procrastination still makes me feel unsuccessful. A part of me wishes I could’ve magically created more time, made better decisions, or managed my time and energy differently. I know it is ridiculous, but it doesn’t change how I feel.

There is one difference though: I accepted the defeat…in March. March is my nemesis, but March is over. I have time boxed how long I will let it bother me. I leaned into procrastination last Friday. I gave myself permission to write until midnight staying up past my bedtime. It allowed me to move one more thing in my list to the done pile. It forced me to let go. I freed myself from attachment to the fantasy of perfect planning and perfect execution.

I challenged myself to write an article a month to improve my writing not to meet a deadline. I hoped to have something worth sharing. Today’s share is not perfect. It comes after weeks of overcommitments. I am tired, but writing down what I did puts my fatigue into perspective. I am content with how I spent my time.

As spring rolls in, I will likely say ‘no’ more often. I want to avoid falling behind with my coursework. I want to focus on healthy eating. I want to spend more time outdoors. April will not pan out exactly how I envision it. It won’t be perfect, but what good is perfect anyway? The goal is not perfect, the goal is just one article a month.